The False Commandments

I sent Wes the link to a list called "The Kitty 10 Commandments" with the comment, "I think Sid is an atheist." This was Wes's reply:

"Those aren't Kitty Commandments. Those are human commandments unto kitties. They have nothing to do with Catianity or Caticism, or whatever it's called. And by the way, Cats don't like to be called 'kitties', unless they are. If they're adults, they're Cats. Note the capitalization. You don't write american for American. You don't write mormon for Mormon. Show respect."

In all respect, these are (according to Wes) the Actual Cat Commandments, as written by C-t and given to Moggie in ancient times at the summit of the sofa:

The True Commandments

I AM the Lord C-t who delivered you from subservience.

  1. You shall worship no other than Me, not human, not dog, not other Cat.
    You shall not bow down to them or beg of them; you may lick them, provided they taste good, and rub them, provided they feed you in a timely manner.
  2. Do not call Me the Great Kitty, for it offends Me and I bite.
  3. Observe the Sabbath hours of each day, at random intervals. Never adhere to a schedule, but sleep through most of every day and raise hell every night.
  4. For six days you shall expect and demand that humans labor and do work for thee. On the seventh day, you shall do the same, for you are not going anywhere just because of some stupid human writing on a calendar. Remember that in ancient times you were kept on a leash like a dog, and that the Lord your C-t gave you teeth and claws and attitude; therefore the Lord commands you to rule your feeders 24-7.
  5. Honor thy Mother, for she fed you and licked you and dragged you from room to room by your neck. Honor thy Father if you know who he is.
  6. You shall not murder thy fellow Cat, but rather rough him up severely if he encroaches on your turf. Kill anything else you want.
  7. Thou shalt not be monogamous, for it is confining.
  8. Neither shall you respect the property of thy feeders, but destroy any and all of it that turns their attention from their proper worship of you.
  9. Neither shall you inform on your fellow Cats if they also destroy your feeders property, but instead rough them up severely for trying to take over your turf.
  10. Whatever your neighbor has, you shall covet. Covet his mate, his pillow, his food, his feeders, rats, his mice, and his spiders and flies. Steal them if you can. Try not to get roughed up too much.

Final Judgment

I think Sid is a devout practicing Caticist.

Sid, Cat Executive Officer