The other day I got into an argument with a vendor about whose mother was
worst. From my understanding, it boiled down to the fact that her mother
both looked and acted like the Wicked Witch of the West, so I should give
up, cry Uncle, and admit that her mother was by far the worst.
That whole Book of Job was really underdone, in my own disinterested, impartial, and objective opinion. |
I'm sorry, but the Wicked Witch of the West was a pushover compared to
my mother. My mother would not send flying monkeys to do her dirty work.
My mother would go do it herself, because she thought the hands-on approach
was more fun. My mother was no ugly cackling witch, either. She was pretty
and personable, so she could get away with just about anything. My mother
was more along the lines of your basic conniving, manipulating torturer
- the kind that never leaves permanent marks as evidence. My mother made
Joan Crawford (Mommie Dearest) look like Mary Poppins.
As usual, such thoughts made me think of Job. I thought what I always think
when I think of my mother, that Job didn't really have it so bad. He didn't
have my mom.
That brings up one of my chief complaints about the Bible. That whole Book
of Job was really underdone, in my own disinterested, impartial, and objective
opinion. I mean, I personally didn't write that Book, so it's no skin off
MY nose if it's 30 chapters short of being done. I'm just saying that if
it HAD been one of mine, I wouldn't have skimped so much on the details,
that's all.
Maybe there just wasn't enough space for the full treatment. OK, I can see
that. But really, do you think that if the author had insisted on the extra
space, the editors wouldn't have slashed a few reams of begats to make room?
Of course they would have.
First of all, the trials and ordeals of Job are just so understated. So,
big deal, his servants were killed. He should have been happy he HAD servants.
So, big deal, the fire of God burned up his sheep and dead servants, and
a great wind killed his sons and daughters, and Job himself was covered
head to toe with hideous sores. So what?
We all have bad days. There needed to be more detail in that part.
Maybe it should've said, "And oh yes, the Lord God sent unto Job Wes
Browning's Mom, and everyone did see that his suffering was great."
And sent irritable bowel syndrome. And Job should have had to endure late
Sunday night TV programming, without the benefit of cable.
But the part where the Book really skimps is the part where Job and God
are arguing. If I were writing it there'd be a lot more said on both sides.
Right off, I'd have God try this angle: "So Job, you think you shouldn't
have things so bad 'cause you're so good. Did you ever think that was where
you went wrong? Maybe I'd treat you better if you didn't think that being
good automatically entitled you to it, huh?"
So then Job would go away and work on that, and then he'd come back and
say, "I see your point, God, and I've mended my ways. I don't anymore
believe I am entitled to good treatment for being good. So how about restoring
my fortune now?"
"Good try, fleshy one! But you still expect your fortune restored,
so you don't really believe what you are saying, do you? Hah! Catch 22!"
They could go back and forth like that for 20 chapters or so. Then finally
Job would get smart. He'd say, "Hey! Wait a minute, underlying all
this is the premise that you, God, determine the Good. But suppose the Good
is independent of you. Then being good, you must treat me well if it would
be unjust otherwise."
At this point I would break all the conventional rules of a Biblical Book
and have my ultimate protagonist (God) say, "What do you want me to
be, good and just, or do you want me to be powerful enough to restore your
fortune? You can't have both in this world."
I would have God spend a few chapters badgering Job into answering this
question. Finally Job would give in, and true to character, he would ask
God to be good and just. I would then have God turn Job into a good liberal
Democrat under an evil Republican administration.
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