"Psychotic Hotline. How can we help you?"

"Well... mmm..."

"OUT WITH IT, BOY! I'm here to HELP you, you know! How can I HELP you if you won't speak UP?!"

"I'm sorry ..."

"It's okay, son. You sound weak. You sound like you're hurting. I want to help, to make things better for you."

<big relieved sigh> "Thank you. I do need help. I'm so scared. I see them all the time now."

"What do you see, son?"

"Shadows. On the wall. They move. And they aren't the right shadows. Mom says shadows are normal, but these aren't shadows that are supposed to be here. And they don't move right."

"You know that your Mom is on their side, don't you?"

"Oh! I thought that might be it! What do I DO?"

"We'll help you, son. We're coming over. We are definitely going to HANDLE this!"

"Wow! Who ARE you guys, anyway?"

"We're the Psychotic Hotline, boy! The only Hotline staffed twenty-four hours a day by Genuine Live Psychotics, standing by!"